Now I know...

...what it must feel like to get old. Friends in Afghanistan is a perfect analogy to growing old. When I arrived almost one year ago, I was surrounded by friends or at least familiar faces. The longer I've stayed the fewer friends are around. I used to see familiar faces every day, I suppose it is like when a person begins to outlive his friends. The changing of the guard is almost complete. Although I'm not the last one here, it's starting to feel that way.

In order to not sound too depressing, I'm looking at it the other way: I'll soon be delivered from Purgatory! Although, I'm excited to get back to my civilian life I'm a little nervous.

See you at home!

Final Tactical Mission Complete!

Why am I so happy in the crappy picture of me? I just got back from my final tactical mission in Afghanistan! That leaves only one mission, Operation Afghan Exodus! What I'm really happy about is that I've been here for 10 months, and I'm on my way home in one piece. Now the real frustration begins.

Where did my privacy go?

Ever since I've moved here I have been in a room with a partitian wall separating me and my First Sergeant. It's only a 3/4 wall, so there is little privacy. I'm sitting here right now hearing him talk to any one of his 8 kids, baby-talk and all. Of course, this means that I have no privacy when I make my calls. At least he doesn't have to hear me talk baby-talk. This is nothing like my last room where I had complete privacy. For me, privacy is something I absolutely need to stay sane. Yet another reason why I can't wait to get back to the U.S. I guess I shouldn't complain because both of the rooms I had gave me infinately more privacy than most soldiers get.

Gettin' Antsy

I only have three days until I begin to out-process from my unit in Afghanistan, only 4 days until I out-process from theater, only 6 days until I fly to Kuwait, and 8 days until I fly from Kuwait to the United States! I'm getting antsy to leave. Today I went on my last mission to the Provincial Police HQ. I can't believe that I only have three more days before I have no responsibilities other than to be at the right place at the right time. I've still got one more mission left, though. It's good because it makes the day go faster.

I can't wait to re-join the real world!

Harley-Davidson dream come true!

Today, I purchased my first Harley-Davidson Motorcycle! Stop right there! Absolutely no lecutures on my last motorcycle and the resulting accident.

I bought a 2010 Road King in vivid black. I'm having it delivered on April 1, 2010. I wanted to get it delivered on my 40th birthday (holy crap, I just got a shock from typing that!), April 2, but they will not deliver on a holiday. I just found out that April 2 is Good Friday. It's great to see that some companies consider Good Friday a holiday! I'll be able to ride to Mass on Easter Sunday!



I've been wanting a Harley-Davidson for quite a few years, so I'm very excited. Of course, buyer's remorse hasn't set in yet. The great thing is that through the Military Vechicle Purchase Program gives special pricing and great rates on financing, and I can change my order at any time. I can even cancel if I do get buyer's remorse. The only bad thing is that I'm coming home into the winter where riding weather doesn't exist. I have to wait until spring to pick up my bike in Milwaukee. Now, if the weather in Milwaukee is like it was in 2008, I will not see good riding weather until mid June. And people wonder why I love Atlanta so much.

So, who fought the Russians?!

Last week I was doing a Key Leader Engagement (KLE) with the Provincial Police Chief. We are getting ready to do a massive train up for all police in the province, and I needed his help with some resources. I needed him to re-allocate about 20 personnel to cover police duties in the first district we are going to train. He, of course, says no. He claims to have requested from the Ministry of The Interior an increase in the number of authorized personnel by 150. When I asked him where these men would go, he replied that they would be for the Provincial HQ. I know where they would go, to man his personnal army. The guy is so corrupt, I can't stand it! Next, I asked for ammunition to do marksmanship training for his police. He's hoarding his ammo (which belongs to the police department)and doesn't even care if his police, the men he's responsible for, can defend themselves. Natrually, he turns it around and says, "You can provide the ammunition. You are American, you have lots of money, and you can go buy the ammo." At that point I just wanted to walk across the room and back-hand him. Then I would have said, "Who fought the Russians?! It certainly wasn't you because you people can't seem to do anything for yourselves!" Being the diplomat that I am, I just laughed it off and told him we'd have to work together to accomplish the marksmanship training.

By the way, only 5 days until I go home!

Panjshir

Panjshir. The Russians tried to gain entrance to this valley over 8 times during the Russian occupation, and a Tajik named Masood led the Afghan fighters to victory each time. Russian shells of tank hulls litter the landscape. We took our commander to FOB Lion about a month ago for his battlefield circulation. Everyone loved it because; 1) it was someplace different, and 2) there is actually beauty to be found in Afghanistan! The trip took us through lush terrain and narrow mountain passes. Of course, nothing can compare with the Rocky and Appalacian Mountains in the U.S., but it was the best we'd seen.

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.

Campbell doing his dance.

Clay acting like an idiot

One thing I did miss when I was out of the Army is the unique sense of humor and the craziness of the U.S. Army soldier. Soldiers will come up with the most oddball sayings, remember the most obscure references and turn them into something hilarious, or generally act like idiots. Of course, the humor is lost on most people outside of the military. These two above were responsible for taking pictures with my camera of one of the Police sub-stations while I was talking to the Chief and conducting a facilities assessment for possible construction and repairs. While I was in the meeting having demands made of me to commit U.S. Government resources to lazy Afghans, my two soldiers were playing around instead of taking official pictures. So I'm flipping through the sub-station pics when I came across these. I did get a chuckle, but I had to chew Clay's ass for not taking video of Campbell's stupid dance.

Contractors, Contractors everywhere

As you may know there are contractors everywhere in Afghanistan some good, some bad. The contractors the I've been working with are very good and serve a vital function. Now some contractors seem to be worthless and just like any other government employee. I have one contractor on my team. He is what is called a Civilian Police Mentor (CivPol). It's great because he is a law enforcement professional. I love it because he has knowledge and skills that neither me nor my team have.



The Killers, Me and Jimmy.

Frustration!

Mentoring the Afghan National Police (ANP) has been one of the most frustrating things I've ever done. Every time I have to speak to any of them about doing things for themselves, they always turn it around saying something like, "You're part of the Coalition Forces, or you're American. You have LOTS of money, you should do it for us." It's like trying to motivate a Welfare recipient to get a job and earn a living for himself, thus providing him with a sense of accomplishment and self-esteem. It just ain't happenin'! Gotta love learned helplessness. Unfortunately, it is our own fault (both Afghans and Welfare recipients). We've been giving them stuff for the last 8 years while requiring nothing of them. The only way to break the dependency is to stop giving! You wouldn't believe how much fuel for their vehicles we give them across the country. Before I came to the team we were giving the ANP almost 10 cans (50 gal) per day. I quickly cut that off. I wish I could bum 50 gallons of gas per day in the United States. I'd not only never have to buy gas for my car, but I could sell the surplus. By the way, that is exactly what the ANP were doing! Now they just cry me a river for gasoline, and my reply is always, "use your own supply system to get gas."

This is me hearing the sob stories of no fuel, inadequate facilities, and too few men.

I can only imagine the progress this country would make if the Afghans would develop a work ethic and start doing things for themselves.

What the heck is he talking about?

Squiggly writing, jelly worms in ice cream, and Afghan Harleys? I can't explain, I can only show the pictures.

Yes, squggly writing is on everything! When I first saw this, I thought that someone was trying to counterfeit $20 bills and putting Dari writing on the them. These are actually from Pakistan (everything is from Pakistan), and they are made for kids as "toys." They come with candy bars or something.

This is Afghan ice cream. Absolutely disguisting! You see the chunks in the bowl? That's the actual ice cream. The liquid is water or something. The off-color things are jelly worms. Why the heck would they have such an awful combination? American ice cream rules! I'm so glad that I'm an American.

Finally, Afghan Harleys. These are the goofiest things I've ever seen. Everyone has these anywhere you go in the country. They are basically a motorcycle front with a small truck bed on the back creating a thre wheeled vehicle. The entire thing is covered with a canvas shell, and each owner puts all kinds of decorations all over them. I call them "love bugs" because most of them have decorated hearts all over the canvas shell.

The best thing of all are the sweet rides. This one comes with the gas tank mounted on the roof, complete with leaking gas line, the latetest ABS and power steering technology, and bad-ass graphics. I'm going to buy one and have it imported!

14 Days

Only 14 days until I begin the voyage home! I can't wait to leave the land of squiggly writing, jelly worms in ice cream, or Afghan Harleys.